Bye Bye Bullet!

I thank You Lord that You are good and faithful; for Your overwhelming amount of patience and love. I thank You for being You. :D

This conference was amazing. It was so different from the other ones and I honestly feel like I grew a lot from it and not in the, I see what I've done wrong and what not sort of way, but a new understanding of some of the things in my life. Friday night's message was so good. When Chris talked about the girl who was abused and needed to forgive herself for believing the words, I broke. That was me. I was that girl. I had forgiven dad for everything, I had thought that it was all taken care of, neatly packaged, and stored away. I thought that I was healed and fine, but I wasn't. A bullet still remained in my heart. This piece of shrapnel was poisoning me slowly from within. I never have forgiven myself for believing in the horrid words and whenever things were going wrong or were growing difficult, I reverted back to all the old phrases. I wasn't healed by a long shot. How can I put armor on a body that is bleeding and dying from the inside? I was in a mindset that I would never fully heal from what had happened to me, that it was a part of me and made me who I was. Boy was that a stinkin lie from the devil! Being abused does not make me who I am. God made me who I am. He designed the parts of my life and I was not meant to be in pain and terrible sadness due to circumstances beyond my control. It was not apart of my life. It is not me. It does not make me. I broke at this realization and went up front where two lovely women of God prayed for me. For the first time in my life I feel completely free. The poison is leaving me and I am embracing His truth and understanding that the awful parts in life do not make us who were are. My God makes me who I am. Understanding that, I also now understand what has been going on with me lately. I was being poisoned continually. Every time something happened that reminded me of my past I would be thrown into memories of the past and would let it berate me. I was so broken and in my brokenness I turned to things that I thought would bring me comfort, to things that I thought would ease the lack of love in my life. It was all a lie though. God made me, loves me, and has a special plan for me.
The first night of the conference, He also reminded me of the words spoken over me to be a prayer warrior. I stood at the back during worship, a place where I've never been drawn to before, and just prayed. I couldn't even sing, I just prayed for everything and everyone with an intensity that brought His spirit flowing around me. He told me that this is something that I needed to do everyday and that it is time to rise up as a prayer warrior and take the task seriously. I've already started and I'm excited to keep up and pray that I don't miss a day of this precious mission. :D
I was also prayed over for the Holy Spirit and though I didn't speak in tongues, which disappointed me, God is unlocking something else inside me. Since friday night when I was prayed over, whenever the Spirit comes on me (it even happened today during prayer) my body shakes like crazy. I feel something in my heart of hearts building. I think its incredibly weird, but i'm excited to find out whats going on and what His plan is.

Thank you God. Thank you Jesus. That you Holy Spirit. Lets start a revolution! ;)