Who is to say whats right?

There is a question of being loyal and deciding that some things are best left. It may not be in one's nature to completely move on and live a different life, but when one finds that every time they are around certain people they are beat up, pushed down, or highly discouraged, it makes one think that it is just better all around to not come back. Sure we all want to help those in need, to be that spotlight in their dark, cold world, but what is dying inside of us if we remain among such thorns that won't do anything to help the garden grow? Do we reside near them to be choked and scratched, clinging desperately to the daylight hoping that the thorns will grow softer? How much blood must we lose before we realize that it is better to just move on? Maybe the fight is not truly a fight though. Maybe we are meant to remain, bruised, bloodied, and beaten, crawling across the floor, sliding along on our own tears. Maybe by the end of the crawl the thorns will realize what exactly they did and how if they do not grow, their murderous ways will only kill everyone they care about. That is, if they truly do care.
We all have the potential to be thorns. To scratch and wound those we care about. We are in close proximity to so many people that we must learn to have compassion and to be understanding no matter how hurt we are by that person or even how jealous we are of them. Just like we can all be thorns we also have the potential to be beautiful flowers, uplifting and encouraging people always. People should want to be in our gardens. Let's not chase them away by meaningless things, no matter how punctured you feel.

Brrrr!!!! I am sooooo cold!!!!!!!!!!

Tonight was very good, very good indeed. The prayer walk went well. It was only my brother, me and Jillian, but I feel like it was that way for a reason. The three of us prayed and talked for a long while as we waked a very gorgeous park. It was so peaceful and calm. I could not have asked for a better place to pray. We're planning on some trips to the Watkins Glen Gorge, Buttermilk Falls, white river rafting, and bonfires!!! I hope most of those plans work out. I'm really trying to unite the Christians around here so that we can be one force and then work on reaching out from there. I feel like we all really need each other and only a few of them realize this, which saddens me a tad. I don't think two of my friends are that interested, but Jillian, Steph, and Victoria are with me all the way, so thats a blessing. The prayer walk was soooooooooo good for my Tommy. It was good to get him out and uncomfortable, praying with a fellow believer. Before we went in our house, after talking the whole way back, we sat in the car and he told me about everything going on in his heart and all the pain he's holding inside. He's where I was at years ago, holding everything inside, shoving down all the emotions to create a protective barrier against those closest to you. Its a horrid place to be and ostracizes you so much. He told me about how much he dislikes himself and how he always focuses on all his failures. I was able to share and talk with him and he said he'll pray about everything I said. Before we left though, I prayed with him, letting everything God placed in my mouth come out and by the time I was finished, my poor tommy was crying. I'm beginning to think that i'm home for more than just my best friends. It kills me to think of all the pain he's holding inside of him. :( My poor brother. I'm praying he allows God's healing into his heart and that he lets go of all the negative things he's been holding on to.
Thats where Tom's at, and Brian?...... He keeps making fun of me about prayer walks and is putting me down continually. He's trying to turn the rest of my family against me and is even making fun of it to my friends who have been on the prayer walk. He thinks i'm in some sort of occult thing and that he doesn't believe in the power of God and people hearing or seeing things from Him. He breaks my heart and angers me so. I know he is hurting, but he disrespects and makes fun of God so much. Its all I can do not to get mad and yell at him. I'm forced to hold my tongue a lot and pray against the discouragement he is shoving on me. Ugh.
Besides that, i'm very excited for this summer. God has big plans and I'm just begging to be used by Him. I'm going to talk to my assistant pastor and see if I can get more involved in the church. I can't let it fan out. This passion that's burning needs some fuel or i'll go crazy!