How beautiful

It is so gorgeous out today! I took a long walk around campus and then out to the breakwall. It was amazing though I wouldn't suggest going out on the breakwall for another few weeks. There is still a lot of pack ice, the water is way too high, and the wind was too strong for me. I got kinda scared and turned back not too far out, plus I couldn't really see where the cracks between the ice were with the pack ice. Anyways, it was so wonderful spending time with God. When I hurt my knee, I really allowed satan to take so much of me. This semester i've been trying to get back to who I was before everything happened and today I realized just how dumb that is. Why am I trying to be who I was? Sure there are some things that were not existent but I have grown and changed so much since then in many other ways. I have overcome a lot and even though I am still haunted by memories of the past and my insecurities still come out quite often because of certain comments, I need to move forward and become who I am meant to be, not who I was. Its not about being going back but about being made new. I want to continually be renewed and transformed, not to revert back to what made sense and worked at that time. Everything happens for a reason. I'm embracing Him and His plan. I'm sick of being insecure and shying back because of what I let into my life. Its time to wake up and move away from the deeds of darkness. The night is almost over; the day is coming. (Romans 13:12) There is strength in His very breath. I want to breathe Him in everyday. No more being scared, I'm ready for anything He wants to unlock in me.

I thank God for Pastor Swanson

Pastor Swanson is amazing and his words always encourage me. I feel like I hear him or find something about him when I need it most. Be encouraged:

"Over the last weeks I spent time with several people in these communities - I heard their stories, asked them spiritual questions and shepherded them. I began acting like I was here because God sent me 'for such a time as this' (Esther 4:14).
All around us

• there are lost people who need a Savior
• there are children who need to know that someone loves them
• there are couples who need to know about forgiveness and love
• there is confusion about what it means to be a Christian
• there a people who are being lied to by the evil one and they have no joy
• there is the need for a Godly church to rise up and be a light to a community
• there is an opportunity for souls to find hope here on earth and for eternity
• there is a chance for believers to step out of their comfort and into God's plan" (We need this heart for Oswego!)

"Here is what we can take away from this snapshot of Jesus' life:

1. If Jesus and his disciples were figuring out God's will as they went we should not be shocked that we are too;
2. More than anything else Jesus wanted his disciples to hear him and care about what he cared about;
3. Jesus did not want to do what the Father was asking him to do, but he was willing. We will run into the same situation many, many times."

This part touched me!!! -
"That sermon was easier to preach than it is to live. I know that I struggle with the desire to know what, when, where and how life is going to unfold. Probably my greatest struggle right now is that I do not want to accept what is acceptable as a pastor, as a father, as a husband, as a Christian. It seems so easy to be lulled into a sameness and a deadness of faith and expectation.

I want a keen sense that I am not just going through the motions, or accepting less than God's best in ministry, in my family, in me. Please pray for me in this regard. In particular -

1. I want a burning passion for people who are lost without Jesus Christ (I want to be willing to be a fool for Christ - 1 Corinthians 1:25-29);
2. I want to live a life of purpose and power (no compromises or backward thinking - 2 Timothy 2:7);
3. I want everything I do and say to draw people to God the Father through Jesus Christ (no wasted words or emotions, just what will lead others to Christ - Colossians 3:17, 23-24)."

"The moment I realized what was in my heart I confessed it to God and asked Him for His picture again. I simply cannot accept just filling a place or position. There is too much at stake, too many broken lives, too much eternity . . . it does not matter what anyone else expects, it matters what God has given me to do.
Thanks for praying. God is challenging me to grow so that we can grow. I cannot lead where I have not been."

I posted this so I would always have it and because these are my prayers too! Its good to unite in heartfelt prayers for change. No matter where we are in life we are still connected.