I'm Hurt

I'm really hurt right now. Like really, knife shoved through the heart hurt. I feel so weak and vulnerable. I absolutely hate asking people for help, to get me something, to drive me somewhere. It may not look like it, but it really bothers me to have to ask. I'm sorry that I am incapable of doing things on my own. If I could, I would do it in a heartbeat. Instead I'm left to depend on others. That kills me more than you can imagine. So you can understand that when my friends get really annoyed with helping me how much that hurts me. I can understand that I am a major inconvienence right now...I'm really sorry about that, but I don't know how not to be at this current time. I'm in pain. I am weak. I cannot walk on my own two feet. Doors are very difficult to open. I continually slip or trip up. Thats how things are right now, so if you don't want to help I guess just stay away. Honestly, I'd rather do everything on my own then get help from someone who is just going to get annoyed and frustrated with me. I'm trying. I don't know what else you expect from me. Sorry. I'll do better?

Oggie

So I have come to a realization and though it may hurt some people it is something that I have to do for me. We'll see how it goes, but its something i've noticed for awhile and would finally like to act on. So....sorry in advance. Bye.

hmmmmmm

I haven't blogged in such a long time, but since i'm just hanging here with my knee all torn up, it seems like just the thing to do. Hello! I'm so sore right now. Walking on crutches is not fun, but thank God I have some really great friends who have been takng care of me. It surprises me though. Last year it seemed like I had so many good friends who I got to spend a lot of time with. This semester it seems like i'm turning into one of those people in the group that shows up, talks to a bunch of people, then goes away and no one cares if they see them again or not. Thats very disturbing. I am not saying that I think I am positively amazing and that everyone should seek me out, I just find it......odd. :( oh well I guess.
I want my Daddy. I want to just fall into His arms and not think about all the bad i've done this semester. I want to forget all of the stupid things that i've done or let happen. I haven't felt this dumb and inept in awhile. Sometimes I think my mind is regressing or that people will think that i'm just stupid and will desert me. Thats silly but I hate appearing dumb. Sure I joke around about being the dumb blonde, but secretly inside I absolutely hope that no one really thinks of me as the little dumb blonde chick in the group. Do people even know the real me? So many people make judgements about me or just assume who I am, but no one here really knows me. At times like this I miss my dunks back home. Sometimes I feel like she's the only friend that really gets me and knows who I am. I don't pretend to be anything or anyone. This is me. Accept me or don't. Dont make judgements or assessments about me. I don't know. Maybe i'm just rambling, but that happens.
I love God so much and just want to have the relationship that I had with him before I came back to school. I cannot control what I feel but I know that He is in control. Things have spun out of control, but they remain and I know that they are here for a reason. They may seem crazy, but I still see them as something from God. This something from God is special and I feel like i'm ruining it. oops. Grace. Grace. Grace. I'm thankful for Grace.
Oh God, hold me in your arms and lift me up. My eyes are locked onto you and I'm reaching out my hand to take Yours. I love you and need you! Be my escape rope. :)

I'm weird and crazy...