Ho hum by mind is a bum....

For once I would like to actually a keep a pastor that means a lot to me. I had an incredible pastor when I was a child, but he left my life suddenly with the blast of a gun. He committed suicide after having an affair with his secretary. I honestly have not accepted that fact. Not the affair part, but him committing suicide. He was an incredible man, and obviously he had his flaws and sins, but he was a man with his heart set on God. He was a very singnificant part of my life and I still miss him dearly. I cried so hard that night when I found out. I think his wife murdered him out of jealousy and anger. But that is only a suspicion, though there is evidence that supports it, and not the focul point of this blog. This is: my pastor is leaving. Another one that meant so much to me running off into a place that I cannot follow. Isn't that sad? Though in this case, he isn't dying, just moving on to a church that he feels called to. Which I don't doubt at all and do feel a peace, if not incredible sadness, about him leaving. Its just that he has helped me so much in overcoming a lot of the pain in my life. Deciding to meet with him last year helped me so much to overcome my intense hatred for certain individuals in my life. He helped me realize that I had to love and that love cast out all fear and overcomes the darkness. My world, so ofter shrouded in thick darkness needed that guidance to accept the love of hope, in order to pierce through the despair in a blinding shaft of brilliance that has set me free. I am free of hate and wish to bask in this freedom forever. Hatred is a retarded business that only hurts the person participating in it. It is not worth the bondage. Grasp onto hope. As my pastor said today, hope is never meaningless or useless. Hope shines like a beacon. It is the light that draws us out of the darkness. The grasping of enlightment. The worthiness of each individual calling. Hope is our fire to fight off the cold. Our shelter to protect against the rains. It is our battle sword against the enemy's attacks. Hope gives us meaning to breathe. We breath in the light and inhale the goodness. As we are breathing, the first light of the dawn that had been slipping across the sky, lights up the world in bursts of righteousness. Hope is never meaningless or useless. It is truly a gift from God. His light wrapped up into an intense feeling. Hold onto that crazy intense flame. Hold on to hope. Don't let the darkness in. Dwell in the light. Dwell in hope!

Goodbye dear pastors.........:( Thanks for the life lessons! (And I hope pastor M, that you are not burning in Hell right now, but that I may see you again in heaven.) GOD BLESS!