Love Stinks. Did you know that? IT.....STINKS.......SO.......MUCH! Love is an amazing thing. Did you know that? IT.........IS..........SO........AMAZING. Confusing? Welcome to the wonderful world of.....me! :) Sometimes my heart hurts so much that it becomes a physical ache. I just want to reach inside, grab it, and yank it out to save me from the torture of feeling. It has been sooooo long since I have liked someone for real. I have had playful little distractions along the way to ease that consistent ache, but they never truly distract, only cause more pain. I would never say out loud that I am in love, because that is stupid. Plainly put, it is only my own foolishness, but it still bothers me so I am writing this, since that was what I was told this is for......
Love is consuming. Once you take a hold of that little candle, where the flicker is small, contained, and simply pleasant, you are taking hold of something that has the potential to sear you. This flicker flames into an intense blaze that overtakes everything, chaning your life forever. I'm not one who enjoys playing with fire seriously. Its fun to touch the flame for an instant, before retreating to safety. Sticking yourself completely in the flame seems foolish and way too scary to comprehend. I love flirting. It is fun and very enjoyable. Honestly, I do not mean to do it. It just happens. My subconscious takes over and all the hurt within me tries to soothe itself through flippant talk. Sometimes I try to like someone just to rid myself of the pain. I want to smother the memories of the one person who made me feel like I was pretty enough to be worth something. That I was me and that it was okay. That no matter who was around, it would always be just me. I was that important. I have never seen such eyes since, filled with everything that I have dreamed and longed for like a princess trapped in a tower longs for her prince charming. I had a prince charming. He was everything I dreamed of and more. Is this just stupid? Yea, probably, but I do not care what other people think on this subject. He was more special than words can ever describe. God sent him to me to set me free from my dark world. God used him to save me from all the demons slashing me with their sharp talons, gnashing at my knees, forcing me to the ground where the dirt clings to me, leaving me dirty and ashamed. That life is over now. I am clean and saved. Sanctified through blood and love. Jesus saved me and I am forever thankful. Though I hate the pain I feel from the one He used to save me, I will never regret meeting him. I will never forget him, his words, or his touch. They are seared to my memory like a burn from a hot iron. The scar will forever remain. I suppose it is a good thing that I like scars.......So love stinks. Pain is horrendous. But the setting free is priceless.....and love cannot be ignored or forgotten. No matter what.
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