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I haven't been depressed since the eight grade and still, I never felt this down, I was simly suicidal. I'm just so down. Its such an odd thing for me. I usually see the world in an array of color and excitement, but lately its all just darkness and gloom. The idea of what they did to fix my knee freaks me out. The pain discourages me as does the lack of control I have over it. Everyone is trying to be positive and talk about how everything is going to get better now. Does anyone even care? I just show up and people talk to me and offer assisstance, but does anyone even bother to come visit? To text? Call? No. I seriously doubt that anyone cares right now and don't feel bad. I don't care that people don't. Its not worth it. So my days are spent lying in my bed crying. Pathetic. But. I. Don't. Care. So depressed? Yeah. Whatever. Its a new experience. But cut the false sympathies people. I don't want them. Shove it. Maybe I'm angry for no reason, or maybe theres a lot right now to be angry and hurt about. Or over. So over. Stupid over. Even when I'm off my crutches I can't run or play sports for six months. Everything looks so fun and amazing right now, right? And I could write some stinkin happy blog to make it look like i'm my happy dappy self, but I don't really care to. I don't care. I haven't been to class since last wednesday. Thats stupid. I have so much to make up and do and understand. I can't afford to miss ONE class in some of my classes. Oh well. I want to use obscenities...but i'll withhold. And my stinkin heart is messed up. Not like all messed up, but its embarrassed and disappointed. I knew it wouldn't last. I knew it. I don't know why i'm hurt or surprised. Oh well.
Life sucks. Bye. Bye. Goodbye.